Verizon Wireless Broadband Disconnects

Not only does my USB Verizon modem disconnect a few times every hour. But when I try to reconnect, Verizon's program insists that the modem is still running "in another session." So I can't reconnect.

I close the program. I pull out and reinsert the modem. Yet when I run the program again, it sometimes still insists the modem is "in another session."

The only way to fix it is to reboot the laptop entirely. Very time-consuming and annoying. It can take an hour to send a few emails.

Verizon Broadband Wireless is only to be used as a last resort, for when there are no other connection options.

Verison Broadband Wireless Still Sucks

I've been using Verizon Broadband Wireless on and off for about four years now. I always sign on when I travel, then cancel soon after because the service is so bad.

Verizon Broadband Wireless is not "scary fast." It's slow. Disconnects are frequent. Sometimes every few minutes. This was true with their PC card. It's true with their USB modem.

Only use it if you have to. I'm using it now, and I hate it.

Amazon Kindle and Sony eReader Self-Publishing

Last year, Amazon introduced its Kindle ebook. This year, Sony introduced its ereader, which Barnes & Noble is marketing under the Nook name.

I expect consumers to support only one format, and I think Amazon's Kindle will win. I certainly hope so.

For one thing, Amazon makes it easy for authors to self-publish their books, articles, short stories, scripts, poems, whatever, on Kindle. One need only open a Kindle account. You upload your book, and set the price, and it becomes available on Amazon.com.

Amazon requires a minimum price of 99 cents. They take 35% of what you collect.

I've uploaded two of my novels onto Kindle: Vampire Nation and Manhattan Sharks.

I priced them at $1.99. I uploaded Vampire Nation in late June, and Manhattan Sharks only last week.

It's easy. Any author can do it.

Sony only recently opened itself up to self-publishers. I've yet to upload anything onto Sony, but by and by.

In Praise of 1980s "Concept Music Videos" and Literal Music Videos

I've long been a fan of Meat Loaf, Bonnie Tyler, and Jim Steinmen (who wrote the best songs for both those singers).

I also remember the peak of music videos, the early 1980s. Back then, singers didn't have much influence in music videos, rather, the director was king. This was because singers didn't understand this new format, while directors did.

And one of the leading music video auteurs was director Russell Mulcahy, who established many of the format's early cliches: smoke effects, widescreen black bars, objects breaking in slow-motion.

Mulcahy did "concept videos," as opposed to "performance videos." Concept videos emphasized an abstract, metaphorical interpretation of the music, in which the singer, and the lyrics' literal meaning, was downplayed or even ignored. Performance videos focused on the singer (e.g., Michael Jackson's Thriller.

As singers came to understand the format, they took charge -- taking charge of "their own music" as they saw it. I think that spelled the death of music videos as an art form. Allowing singers to control "their" music videos is like allowing film stars to control "their" films. A film is collaborative. The actors and music composer play a role, but the director should take the lead.

Mulcahy directed many of Kim Carnes's videos, and Bonnie Tyler's Total Eclipse of the Heart. Brilliantly abstract, metaphorical concept videos.

I've just discovered satirical "literal music videos," which redo the lyrics to match the images. This naturally works better (is funnier) with concept videos, rather than performance videos.

And naturally, there's a "literal music video" for Mulcahy's Total Eclipse of the Heart.

Yes, I think it's hilarious. It's been years since I've seen the original video, or even listened to the song. But seeing its "literal" parody, aside from inspiring laughs, also makes me appreciate Tyler, Mulcahy, and Steinmen that much more -- and wish it was the 1980s all over again.



Here's a concept video from the early 1990s. Meat Loaf singing I Would Do Anything for Love, written by Jim Steinman. The "literal" interpretation.



And here's the original Total Eclipse of the Heart.



And the original I Would Do Anything for Love.

Fallen Angels: Slick But Still a Boring Mess

Fallen Angels boasts all the usual modern horror film visuals (i.e. clichés). Quick MTV edits, grim desaturated colors, gore, etc. Even so, the film is a boring mess.

Confused story. I don't think I would have known what was going on, except I'd read the DVD box before hand, and the characters kept filling me in on stuff they'd learned. (And I'd wonder: how did they figure that out? -- it's not in the film.)

Films opens with stereotypical drunken, horny teens. One's killed, another's kidnapped. Then we're at this prison about to be torn down. We find skeletons in the basement. The FBI comes in to investigate. Turns out many skeletons are over 100 years old.

People die. Some from demons, some from a killer. We find more skeletons. Killed by different people.

More people die, seemingly at random. In the end we learn it has something to do with 7 demons in charge of the 7 deadly sins. Yet I can't really figure out which thinly sketched character was supposed to be guilty of which sin.

Also, a mother is seeking her kidnapped daughter. And an FBI agent discusses his early years as a pastor in Mexico. Where some demon-possessed boy was killed by vigilante villagers.

The FBI agent/pastor also converses with a demon. This demon has really cheap makeup, like in a sitcom. He sounds like some whiny character from a Jerry Seinfeld episode.

I won't give a spoiler, but know that the ending is really unexpected, in a weird way. Not entertaining. Not gripping or anything horrific. Just out of the ballpark.

The production values are slick. But the acting is flat, and the writing is awful.

The best 7 deadly sins film is THE DEVIL WALKS AT MIDNIGHT, aka The Devil's Nightmare. An early 1970s Euro-horror film.

Communist Zombies

I've not been posting much lately, as I've been working on my book on horror films. Observations that might have been posted here are instead going into my book. More on that later.

In the meantime, here's a video about Communist Zombies (technically, Stalinist Zombies, but it's all the same):

The Caretaker: Not Scary, Not Funny

Turkey Ranch Productions sent me a review copy of The Caretaker, which is good a bad. It's nice to get a free horror DVD, but it obligates me to review it, which is bad if I didn't think much of it.

The Caretaker is a very short, very low budget affair. Only an hour and 17 minutes long (not including credits).

These generic teenagers meet outside a school dance on Halloween night. And they stay outside. We never go into the building and see the dance itself. (I said this was a low budget affair.)

How low budget? Only a few locations. Most of the film was shot at and around a farmhouse (a few rooms and a field) and inside a limo. Then brief scenes outside the Halloween dance, and in a girl's bedroom, and in a "gym" (it could have been the producer's basement.)

Anyway, the teens meet up outside the dance. The guys had rented a limo, and they take the girls to an abandoned farmhouse, where they'd planned to scare the girls. But it turns out their "scary story" of an insane caretaker is real ... and the caretaker has returned from the asylum (or wherever) that very night ... and, as you might guess, the body count mounts.

The DVD box's marketing is pretty brazen, calling The Caretaker a "classic teen scream." Based on what?

The box brags about the film's "ensemble cast of ridiculously good-looking kids." Well, no. They're good-looking, but only in a bland, generic sense. None of them display any charisma or outstanding beauty.

The cast's bland good looks are matched by their bland acting, as they mouth bland, flat writing.

The promo material that came with the DVD is accurate when it says the film is low on gore. It also positions The Caretaker as the next Scream, promising "laughs and camp."

Yes, it's low on gore. But it's also low on laughs.

The Caretaker is a numbingly unoriginal film, even by slasher standards. I suspect this may be intentional. As "camp," it probably hopes to satirize horror film clichés.

Bad choice. This film is not funny. And for good reason. These horror film clichés were old when Scream attempted to satirize them in 1996 (although Scream had more energy than The Caretaker). These clichés had already been targeted by 1981's Student Bodies.

There's nothing left for The Caretaker to satirize. Its targets are so old, I couldn't even find any attempted jokes until nearly an hour into the film, when the Jennifer Tilly character started talking extremely idiotically. I then thought, okay, I'm probably supposed to laugh at this. I can see how somebody might think this is funny, in an insipid sitcom sense.

Tilly's character is so dummied down, she just mugs for the camera, no real acting. Judd Nelson has a few minutes of screen time in a cameo.

I suspect (I'm guessing here) that the "jokes" are supposed to be that the characters (mostly teenagers) are stupid. But many horror films are already so full of stupid teenagers that "satirizing" stupid teenagers becomes difficult. The Caretaker's stupid teenagers aren't really any dumber than typical horror films' teenagers.

The Caretaker does attempt to "update" its story, such as when the teens say, "This happened in, like, ancient times. Like, the 1980s." (Ho! Ho! -- How that for belly laughs? It's about as funny and original as this film's dialog gets.)

There's nothing new in The Caretaker, either as satire or as horror.

It's an okay film, I guess. Horror completists may wish to check it out, provided they can get it dirt cheap in the bargin bin.